Not much new...

 I still do not have a job. I thought I did but they took issue with some of my recent credit missteps. I understand the concern, I do. But has anyone ever seen a mechanic's car or a hairdresser's hair? Same concept. I know WHAT to do with money and I have excellent professional judgment. Forget that I got a divorce, had cancer, was laid off a few times, etc. All of that happened and I pulled myself through it. But additionally, I do prioritize the wrong things sometimes. Personal finance, like Dave Ramsey says, is 50% math and 50% behavior. My behavior needs work, I admit it. It comes from a deep rooted issue that I finally confessed to my mom a few days ago.

For some reason, I have always felt that I would die soon. I know it sounds crazy but it's the truth. When I was a kid, I was sure I would not grow up and get to have kids. After my first child was born, I knew I would not get to see him grow up. I'm 51 and I still feel like I don't have much longer. So I have always been in somewhat of a hurry to get to that "next step" and to live like there was no tomorrow (within reason now, I don't go completely crazy).  But, for example, if an opportunity arises, say, to see Alabama softball in a championship series, I'll do what I can do to seize it. After all, they may not make it to the championship next year or I may die before they do! I know it does not sound rational. But it is a strong feeling that governs some of the decisions I have made. 

When the kids were little, I was determine to give them as happy a childhood as I could. Even with our financial difficulties, I made sure they were able to play sports, take lessons and go places. I wanted them to have good memories. As it turns out, they don't remember much of the good things. They focus on the bad things, even if they are far outweighed. But that's a whole other blog!

Now I will say, that these "missteps" I speak of, they're less that 1% of my total debt. The other 99% is in great standing and I'm proud of that. But for whatever reason, this particular employer chose to focus on the 1%. Kinda reminds me of my kids focusing on those few negatives! Oh well. I guess that's human nature, too.

So I'm actively pursuing other opportunities and trying to stay positive. I KNOW God is in control. I know that. It's just hard to remember sometimes when you can't see what He's got planned. But I will hold on to His promises as always and continue to work hard!