What motivates you? Is it one thing in particular or many things? Does it depend on what you're doing or are you one of those naturally motivated people (and if you are, I hate you! lol)
I've been in a slump lately and can't quite figure out why. Maybe it's current world events, the economy or maybe I'm just slacking. Most of the time I'm tired and overwhelmed and not sure what the next steps are. I have so much I want to do but because of time and financial constraints, I can't do it all so that means prioritizing and I'm struggling to do that. EVERYTHING is important--how do I decide.
I'm not career driven anymore. I'm not sure I ever was. Yes, I got my Master's degree but I can't say it has paid off and right now it's not looking like it ever will. While I find business very interesting, I lack some of the skills required to really be sucessful in corporate American and at 51, I doubt I'm going to learn them now. I don't kiss ass or suck up. I'm not into politics of any kind, especially office politics and I don't have a lot of patience with certain things. All I want to do is work at a job that pays my bills, allows me to pursue certain personal endeavors, is enjoyable for the most part and challenges me to do better.
When I was much younger, I was very headstrong. I'd argue with a brick wall and actually pursued confrontation! I had no filter--whatever I thought came straight out of my mouth with no regard to who I was speaking to, how it made them feel or how it made me look. And before you say, that I still am, let me assure you, I used to be MUCH worse.
But I like to think in the last 12 years, I've learned. In fact, I know I have. Whether anyone else knows and sees or not, I have walked away from so many arguments I couldn't possibly count them. I don't want confrontation anymore. And I especially don't want drama. I just want peace. And I will cut off anyone that threatens that peace or brings any level of toxicity. I just have nothing left to invest emotionally.
All that said, I do love my current job. I just need to improve on a few things and maintain my goal of emotional peace.
My lease is up on my current apartment and at first they were going to raise my rent significantly! I told them I would be moving but while I was looking they mercifully decided to come down a bit. I'm thankful because moving is such a pain. Couple that with the fact that I couldn't find anything comparable to what I have for what I pay and I'm extremely thankful! Everyone says, why don't you just buy a house and then you won't have to worry about rent increases every year. Well, for one, my finances aren't in the best shape. I have significant student loan debt that is never going to go away and I have not used credit much in the last 9 years. I need to boost my score some to be able to qualify for a mortgage.
But more than that, I really don't know where I want to live! I don't want to spend all my time driving but I don't want to pay an arm and a leg for something either. The last time I bought a house, the area went to pot overnight and I lost my ass! Not to mention maintenance is a bitch. I love that whenever something is broken, I can call someone to come fix it and it's not my problem. Replacing roofs and air conditioners is no fun, especially when there ends up being no return on your investment. Homeownership was not a good experience for me before so I'm reluctant to do it again.
I also want to travel and have life experiences. It's hard to do this AND try to improve one's finances at the same time.
I'm also coming down to the wire on a major decision and thought I've been looking forward to it for six months, I'm now starting to be anxious, nervous and doubtful. It's going to be a HUGE change and one I'm not really sure I want to make. And at the same time, I know I HAVE to do SOMETHING.
All of this and not having any natural direction about any of it is causing me a lot of stress. I think this is mostly because I'm a planner. I'm OCD. I'm a list maker and I've finally come to a point where I don't know what to do!
Years ago, I hit rock bottom in life and I knew instantly how to fix it. I made a list and I worked it. Now, the stakes aren't nearly as high and I don't know where to start...
I need my drive back! Where is it? Suggestions?
No comments:
Post a Comment